There are a lot of buzzwords these days to describe connection-based, mindful sex with your partner—tantric sex, Neotantra, sacred sexuality, the list goes on—but what does it all actually mean? And more importantly, can utilizing these practices actually improve your sex life and your relationship? Fascinations digs a little deeper to find out.
What is Tantric Sex?
Tantric sex, as most Westerners know it, is far removed from its religious and cultural origins. The term originates from tantra, which has multiple linguistic roots, including Sanskrit and Hindi. In the Indian tradition, tantra broadly refers to a type of practice, technique, or text. Many tantric lineages exist in ancient and contemporary Buddhist and Hindu practices—most of which have little or nothing to do with sex.
The Origins of Tantra
Tantric sex (also called sexual yoga) stems from Hindu and Buddhist tantras, some dating back to the 5th century, which involve practicing sexuality in a ritualized, often yogic context. These practices range from harnessing sexual power for spiritual growth to pragmatic purposes like promoting pregnancy or male virility.
Sexual rituals often involved semen retention, as it was considered an energetic substance that should be conserved. Conversely, some tantras emphasized sexual emissions as offerings to tantric deities like Shiva, Shakti, and Vishnu.
What is Neotantra?
Neotantra refers to modern Western interpretations of tantra. It is sometimes associated with New Age religions or spiritual practices. While some see it as a Westernized version of Buddhist and Hindu tantras, others argue it is a complete departure from traditional tantric principles.
Neotantra in America
Early 20th-century businessman and occultist Pierre Bernard introduced tantra to the U.S., though his approach has been criticized for cultural appropriation. Bernard founded the 'Tantrik Order of America' in 1905 and opened clinics promoting tantric practices that emphasized "raising Kundalini energy" and "activating chakras" through sexual activity.
Neotantra gained popularity through controversial guru Osho, whose teachings focused on breathing techniques, bio-energy, yoga, and massage in conjunction with sexual activity. Over time, Neotantra evolved further, incorporating concepts like sacred sexuality and mindful sex into Western practices.
How to Improve Your Relationship with Mindful Sex
Many Westerners are fascinated by the idea of sex as a sacred act, often as a counterpoint to societal notions of sex as taboo or immoral. Reframing our view of sex and pleasure is an ongoing, transformative process. Here are some ways to adopt a more mindful approach to improve your sexual experiences and relationships:
Elevate All Your Senses
Engage all your senses to deepen your connection with your partner. Light scented candles, play music, adjust the room temperature, or wear lingerie that feels good against your skin. Focus on the sensations to bring awareness to the present moment.
Practice Eye Gazing
Eye gazing can be a powerful exercise to build intimacy and trust. Sit facing your partner and maintain soft, focused eye contact for 30 seconds, gradually extending the time. This practice helps attune you to your partner’s emotions and fosters deeper connection.
Synchronize Your Breathing
Breathing together can further deepen your connection. Start by taking three deep breaths together, then continue until your breaths synchronize. For a more advanced practice, try circular breathing, where one partner exhales as the other inhales. This can be combined with touch for a more profound experience.
Massage Each Other
An oiled-up massage can relieve stress and enhance intimacy. Incorporate elements like breathwork and eye gazing for a more mindful experience. Tantric massages, such as yoni, lingam, or sacred spot massages, focus on receiving pleasure without the expectation of reciprocation.
Slow Down
Slowing down allows you to savor physical sensations and enjoy a more profound connection with your partner. Whether alone or with a partner, taking time to explore and appreciate each moment can lead to more fulfilling sexual experiences.
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